A Powerful Thing

I often, in my on-line life and elsewhere, deal with people who most assuredly do not believe in Jesus and who therefore think that the Christian faith is ridiculous and wholly without merit.

I am totally okay with that.  Yes, I am aware of the Great Commission.  I know Jesus said we are to go forth into all the world and teach His Gospel to every creature.  But, believe me, given all the shitty things I've done in my life, with all the mistakes I've made, I am in no position to proselytize.  Besides, this is America.  You can believe what you want to believe.  Hell, you can believe a horse fell out of a tree.  Richie?  He don't give a fuck.

For whatever reason, I just wanted to get that on the record.  And, for the record, I am a Christian.  I'm just not very good at it.

When I lived in Grand Rapids I used to play hockey twice a week with a bunch of right-wing nutbag fundies.  I mean, hardcore nutbag fundies.  Don't believe me?  Check this out: One morning after the skate when the endorphins had kicked in and I'd engage all of them in spirited debate, one of 'em said to me, "God hates abortionists and fags."  I said, "Show me where it says that in the Gospel!"

They all supported Bush and they were all hot for the war and they were all hot for all the rest of it.  The tax cuts for the rich, you name it.  In short, they were all for all the things I hate.  They stood for everything I stand against.  But, to a man, I loved those guys.  They weren't bad people.  They'd just been fed a line of bullshit and, like all of those good Germans in the 1930's, fell for it.  Propaganda is a heavy thing and because propaganda is a heavy thing, these things happen.  And, of course, some people are simply stupid.  Again, these things happen.

As far as the religion part of it, I can assure you that they absolutely did not think I was a follower of Christ.  Once, one of them asked what my church's position (I'm Lutheran) was on homosexuality and I said, "It's interesting you'd ask me that.  I was having butt sex with my pastor last week and I asked him the same thing!"

They'd hold that homosexuality was a choice.  A choice!  I'd ask them when precisely they chose to have sex with girls instead of boys and whether they'd found the decision difficult.  Was it, in other words, a close call?  Also, if it's a choice, doesn't that mean that one can change ones mind?  Could I, for example, decide all of a sudden that I no longer wanted to have sex with a woman and get all hot for one of them?

I told them one day after the skate that I prayed out there on the ice virtually every morning.  They didn't believe it.  "Oh, yes," I said.  "When the puck is down at the other end (I'm a goalie) at least once a game I thank God for giving me the opportunity to get some much-needed exercise doing something I find challenging, doing something I love doing, and I thank Him for giving me the chance to have fellowship with you idiots".

But, as it turns out, I digress.  I know, it is hard (some would suggest impossible is more like it) for one to digress when one has yet to make the original point that one is digressing from but bear with me.

My church--only two weeks after we celebrated our 50th Anniversary as a congregation--lost a founding member this week.  Not only a founding member, one of our most important members.  Marie was the Music Director at our church for over 30 years.  She was my Sunday School teacher when I was in the 3rd or 4th grade.  I'd known her a long time.  Long enough to know that without her and her husband, we might not even have a church.  Mind you, this is the church where I was confirmed, where I was married and where my daughter was baptized. 

Now, just a note on deaths.  I write this crap for myself.  I don't even know why I bother to post it if you want me to be honest since the writing is often merely a personal catharsis for the author.  For that reason, because I am sharing thoughts of a personal nature and am trying to be honest, when I am talking about the death of someone I know, I usually will not use the persons full name or even the persons real name.  I don't want embarrass the decedent or the surviving family members in any way, even inadvertently.    

I had a girl who I thought was a friend (all right, an ex-girlfriend from 30 years ago; all right, a girl I loved more than anything in the world Back in the Day) go behind my back and find out the name of someone I had written about who died not long ago and now (in Sparky Anderson speak) I don't talk to her no more.  That's how angry at and disappointed in her I am.  I was stunned that as nice as I'd tried to be to her after she had gone through a divorce and a job loss, pumping up her tires whenever and however I could, that she was nonetheless unable to respect my wishes.  So, like I said, now I don't talk to her no more.  And I don't give (SparkySpeak, again) no kind of a fuck if I never speak to her again.  If there is one thing I learned in 30 years years of not having her in my life, it is that I can live without having her in my life.  Besides, she once told me she was "fascinated" by Insane John McCain and when she said that I immediately thought to myself, "Why am I even talking to this broad?"  But, I'm digressing again...

For Marie's funeral yesterday a lot of people who sang when she was the Choir Director down through the years came back to honor her by singing in the choir at the service.  Bottom line: our choir which numbers 15-18 members on a typical Sunday numbered about fifty for the funeral.  We had a little bit of trouble just finding room for everyone where the choir sits.

Was it ever something!  Among the songs we sang (Marie had picked them all out before she died, not that she could have after she died, of course) was When I Survey The Wondrous Cross.  A song about Civil Engineering, apparently. 

Now, I've only been in the choir for a couple of years and the only thing I know about the music they hand me every week is that it seems that it is supposed to have some bearing on the sounds I am supposed to make.  How, exactly, is not at all clear to me. 

At the start of When I Survey The Wondrous Cross, there is a small italic "p" on the score.  Since in rehearsal everyone was singing this part about as softly as they could, I assumed the "p" means you are supposed to sing softly. 

Towards the end, however, there was not one, but two "f's" in italics.  Now, I have learned the italic "f" means "forte" and that means to sing loudly and with gusto.  This, as I said, had "ff".  Forte, forte.  The directions were telling me and everyone else to sing as loudly and with as much enthusiasm as we could muster.  So you had fifty people all singing as hard as they could.  What a sound!  It was a powerful thing.  I've never heard anything like it, much less been part of making something like that happen.  I was singing my ass off.  We all were.  I remember thinking, right in the middle of it, "God damn, Marie.  What do you think of us now?"

Like I said, I'm a Christian.  I'm just not very good at it.

A final note.  That girl I referenced earlier.  There was a note posted to my MySpace page from her which said, "I moved to (sic) Cheboygan Tuesday."  We don't even know where that is, but we wish her well.

Good-Bye To PMS

One does not, in the strictest sense, "graduate", from Middle School.  Instead, one completes a three-year course of study with an eye towards matriculating from High School at a later date.  So, tonight, it was not Graduation Night at my daughter's Middle School (the initials of which are, unfortunately, PMS) but rather it was "Recognition Night".  My daughter was recognized in a way which amused the entire family.  Laura got herself a certificate signed by none other than our hero George W. Bush!

 

 

 

"Look at that signature, I said.  "The poor man's handwriting is that of a sociopath!"  It is.  His is the signature on the right.  I suppose that could be a "G", the "w" is little-tiny (just the opposite of what you'd expect, isn't it?) and in lower case, and only the "Bush" is legible.

Anyway, I'm glad my daughter was lauded by the President of the United States.  I'm sorry it had to be this one.  It's like I told her: Odds are this is the worst president you will see holding that office in your entire lifetime. 

It was hot inside the gymnasium, so after Laura got her Recognition and I had enough pictures, I went outside and sat in my car and, as a cool breeze wafted through I was mesmerized--mesmerized, I tell you--by the sound of Dennis Kucinich (I am so glad I was one of the 3% who voted for him in the Michigan Democratic Presidential Primary, inasmuch as my vote didn't mean anything anyway and I thought he'd earned it by running a hard campaign and by saying NOTHING I didn't agree with) reading Articles of Impeachment against George W. Bush.  Air America Radio was replaying, unedited, his floor speech from last night.  Everyone should listen.  I know he spoke for 4-and-a-half hours last night, but even listening to some of it will lift your heart.  I know it did mine. 

That and having a daughter I am so proud of. 

"In Sickness and in Health..."

My Inner Frenchman heard that skank biscuit Stephanie Miller today on her mediocre LA-based radio "programme" read aloud excerpts lifted from "The Mirror" article linked to in a routinely outstanding post on Jesus' General titled (and linked to): "The McCain Justification".

Does Stephanie Miller read Jesus' General?

Whether she does or not, it’s good, really good, to see this particular story get some legs.
McCain's marital history is, of course, an issue in this campaign.
Why?

Because nobody likes an ass hole. And because women especially dislike this kind of an ass hole.

So, “Who's,” you ask, “An ass hole?” Okay, how about a guy who starts steppin' out on his crippled wife, who starts screwing a broad 17 years his junior, (who just happens to be rich, too), who then tells the first wife to fuck off, (just as she's learning to walk again), etc., who leaves her, crippled and alone, he leaves her for the man-stealer. Except for the part where hubby and the Trophy Wife get what’s coming to them, isn’t this pretty much the plot of “The Betty Broderick Story?”

Does the guy sound like an ass hole to you? . He is.

Women think so, too. Unless I misread the female heart (I was not staring at your boobs! I was reading your heart!) women regard infidelity as shocking and as “in-your-face” as that engaged in by Mr. McCain to be clear evidence that the man who engaged in that infidelity is an ass hole and nothing but an ass hole, so help me God (Harry Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin or whoever you conceive him to be).

Ergo, women will, upon hearing the truth, this truth, come to the (correct) conclusion that John McCain is an ass hole.

After that, all we can do is hope and pray that our mothers and sisters and daughters won't vote for an ass hole for President of the United States and we should be good to go.

Thanks, and I'm glad I could be of help.

A Personal Message to the Hockey Fans of Pittsburgh

I re-thought this post and removed it.

Instead I would like to thanks Pittsburgh for a great Cup Final.

Pittsburgh, if you want to do it again next year, I'm up for it, as long as you know that all that's gonna happen is we will kick your ass all over again. Really, it will be great fun! God knows it was this year! Have a great off-season.

Wow! Thanks.

Eds note: Everybody here at Everybody is blown away by your responses to our "What Do You Say To This Dickhead, Anyway?" contest. We have not felt the glow one feels when one "is read" for a while and have as such grown unaccustomed to the sensation. So words fail us and we are unable to muster much of a response at all beyond the "too-adorable-for-words" boyish blush we find ourselves sporting at the present time.

Besides, we are a bit, shall we say, logey as we have just today returned to Detroit from a trip by motor car from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, during which 1350 miles of the American landscape was sightseen in a mere 36 hours. (Less sightseeing than that though if you insist that of necessity "sightseeing" must be done during daylight hours only: that since Florida and Ohio appear identical to people when viewed through the windshield of a moving car at night because people can't see in the dark, people cannot be said to be "sightseeing" per se while they are in a car in the dark.) And, for the record, the simultaneous use of italics and latin--which for the record I did just use together and at the same time, makes it all legal. Legal as hell, in other words. Just ask noted lawyer Dave von Ebers of Journal of the Plague Year fame. But, even if he could shoot down my "Time Spent Sightseeing" claim, the 1350 miles worth of solo driving was real enough. And I'm kinda tired. I don't know how those over-the-road guys do it.

So, for now, this inelegant expression of our thanks and gratefulness to you, the reader, will have to suffice.

Also, a final decision on just how, exactly, the dickhead at issue will be responded to is still pending. An answer could come in the soon-to-be-posted "Memories of Wapakoneta". " Keep watchin' for that and, of course--as per some great advice I got from reading Jesus' General-- keep watchin' the skies.

May I post links to your guys' blogs on mine? You don't have to answer. I'll just put 'em up there as soon as I figger out how to do that and if you don't want them to appear on my site you can send an angry e-mail and call me a bad name if you want to.

A Call To Keyboard

Keyboard. It used to be a noun but it's become a verb also--exactly the way the the word "party" used to be a thing but is now both a thing and an action. It's evolved. And since there has been a call (a call; one, but that's enough as it turns out) for fresh content on this page I shall attempt to satisfy this new-found groundswell 0f support which is, I think, just swell in and of itself.

Somebody I know professionally (and like, actually) apparently does not know me very well as he was the source the day before yesterday of an e-mail of which he was apparently very proud and which I considered to be asinine in the extreme. Or, as we used to say when dinosaurs ruled the earth, asinine to the maximum. See also: To the Max.

It was titled, "If Patton Were Alive Today". If I had great computerin' skills I'd simply re-post it here but I don't, so I will copy the more "salient" portions. Back in a moment....

Ah. Here we go:

To ALL those whining, panty-waisted, pathetic Maggots, it's time for a little refresher course on exactly why we Americans occasionally have to fight wars.

Abu Ghraib is not 'torture' or an 'atrocity'. This is the kind of thing frat boys, sorority girls, and academy cadets do to newcomers A little fun at someone else's expense. Certainly no reason to wring your hands or get your panties in a wad. Got that?
Islam a peaceful religion??? My Ass!Millions of these sons-of-bitches are plotting, as we speak, to destroy our country and our way of life any way they can. Some of them are here among us now. They don't want to convert you and don't want to rule you. You are a vile infestation of Allah's paradise. They don't give a shit how 'progressive' you are, how peace-loving you are, or how much you sympathize with their cause. They want your ass dead , and they think it is God's will for them to do it. Some think if we give them a hug or listen to them, then they'll like us... and if you agree? Then you are a pathetic dumb ass! If they manage to get their hands on a nuke, chemical agents, or even some anthrax -- you will wish to God we had hunted them down and killed THEM while we had the chance. How many more Americans must be beheaded ??You've fallen asleep AGAIN, maggots! And you may not get another chance! NOW GET OFF YOUR SORRY ASS - and pass this on to any and every person you give a damn about.. if you ever gave a damn about anything

I have agonized (not much, but a little) over how to respond to this well, shit. Here's

my first draft:

Sir:
I think the content of an e-mail says something about the person who sent it, so when I received your e-mail "If Patton were alive today," I found myself wondering, "just how big a dickhead is this guy?" And, "How would one quantify that, exactly?"

Not that it matters. We're all Americans here and because of that I will defend with every fiber of my being and until my last breath etc., your right to be as stupid as you care to be.

And make no mistake about it. You, sir, are stupid. Mercy, land's sake and Oh, My... God...in...Heaven stupid. Anyone who thinks the war in Iraq had anything to do with 9-11 is stupid or willfully ignorant, but to be honest I don't see a distinction between the two worth drawing.

Get a handle on a fact somewhere, anywhere, before you send bullshit emails like this to me.

I found it particularly vulgar and offensive that you would send this to me the same week in which we learned that our Moron-in-Chief undertook the war in Iraq for his personal aggrandizement. He wanted to be a wartime president because he thought it would make him appear in the eyes of history to be a great president. How pathetic and sad is that? What a fucking sociopath. He's mentally ill. 4,084 Iraqi war dead, 4,084 of my brothers and sisters, my fellow Americans, lie mouldering in their graves--murdered by George W. Bush. Because he thought a war would make him look like a great president.

Answer me this: Besides the dead. the wounded and the three trillion dollar tab--what is it we've gotten out of this war? Oh, yeah, I forgot. $4.00/gallon gasoline. Thanks for that.

If you think Abu Garib was a frat hazing--let them put a hood over your head and hook the battery clamps to your nipples and give it a go. Party on, dude!

But not my country and not in my name. This is America. We are the best people on earth. That, numb nuts, is why we don't torture people.

You were right about one thing. That picture of Daniel Pearl's beheading was obscene.

DO NOT SEND OBSCENE MATERIAL TO THIS COMPUTER. I WILL SUE YOU! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Thanks. Hate to go all CAPS LOCK on your ass and all--but I mean it.

Now go somewhere and fuck yourself. Better yet, if this is how you feel, why don't you grab a rifle, head on over to Iraq and shoot yourself some Muslims? Hell, you don't want to be the one wishing he'd "killed them when he had the chance" after the atom bomb goes off, do you? And don't feel bad if you have to murder a child or two while you're at it. Or a woman. Women car bomb, too. So shooting them? That's not being a coward. That's just doing all of us a favor. Shit, the Nazis didn't feel bad about killing kids. A mere expediency is all that was. Kid would just grow up to be one of the enemy, anyway. Right? If it was good enough for Nazis it should be good enough for you.

Anyway, that's where I'm at on this now. I'm going to wait for a little while to calm down before I hit the "send" button. I welcome any thoughts on how best to respond.

Tigers Slump Now Over 100 Games Old

On July 23, 2007, thru 97 games the Detroit Tigers led their division, the American League Central, by a season-high 2 games and had the best record in the Majors at 59-38.  Detroit had a winning percentage of .606 and was one of only 2 ML teams in with a win percentage of over .600 on that date (Boston, .604). 

From that point on however, the 2007 Tigers fell apart, playing their final 65 games at a .446 clip with a 29-36 record.  It mirrored almost exactly what the World Series team of the previous season had done when the 2006 Tigers opened 76-36 (.679) thru 112 games, good for a 10-game lead in the division on August 7, only to finish 19-31 (.380) in their final 50 games and lose the division crown on the last day of the regular season. 

But, I digress.

Take the Tigers record from their high-water mark last season until the end of the regular season (29-36) and add it to their record this season (16-21) and you've got a ballclub which has won 45 and lost 57 in their last 102 games.  Win Percentage: .441.

The point here is that Detroit's slump didn't exactly begin with the Tigers 0-7 start here in 2008.  It began last July. 

While the Tigers have won 2 of their last 3 (Detroit's only wins in their last 8) we will have to wait and see if this is a trend or an anomaly.  Detroit's 4-0 against the Yankees this season and it is, of course, New York which provides the opposition later this afternoon in the middle game of the 3-game series this weekend between the teams. 

The good news continues to be the fact that Detroit plays in the AL Central where a .500 record--the definition of mediocrity--means (as of today, anyway) you are only a game out of first.  The Tigs are in fourth place (percentage points ahead of last-place Kansas City) but because nobody in the division is going good, the Tigers are only 3.5 games off the division lead.  The Wild Card standings are an eye-opener, though.  If you were thinking that even if they don't win their division the Tigers could still get into the playoffs as the Wild Card winner, Detroit's 10th right now in the Wild Card standings, 6 back of the leaders.  Please make a note of it.