My Lunch with Dave Dombrowski

Every month I write a column for the Detroit Sports Broadcasters Association newsletter and I have decided to share this month’s offering with Everybody….

One of the best things about being President of the Detroit Sports Broadcasters Association is the opportunity I get to sit at the same table with our luncheon guests – even if I never have time to actually eat because I always have to get our program underway while everybody else is still working their eating utensils so as to make sure our meetings don’t last until dinnertime. This, by the way, is seen as a good thing by my doctor who has told me, in passing of course, that I could afford to skip a lunch or two here or there.

Last month (and I hope you didn’t miss it) our guest was Tigers President and General Manager Dave Dombrowski. As we sat down I couldn’t help but tell him how much I enjoyed our annual chats, as they provide me with the chance to give him the guidance he needs to put a Championship squad on the field. He reminded me that my advice had not been much help last season. (You will recall that the Tigs were a slight disappointment in ‘08, what with their going 74-88 and finishing Dead Last in the American League Central and all). I thought, frankly, that his comment was a bit disingenuous inasmuch as he had failed to heed the advice I had given him prior to last season which was to sign Barry Bonds. “You’ll be doing baseball a great favor,” I told him. “If he hits 30 home runs it will clear up the whole steroid controversy because if a left-handed hitter can homer consistently at Comerica Park you know he’s on the juice!”

Undaunted, I was ready with more wisdom for Dave in time for the upcoming season.

“You know what you ought to do right now?” Not waiting for an answer which may well have been a polite yet firm, “Who cares what you think?”, I plunged straight ahead. “You should sign Manny Ramirez. Great God Almighty, I’ve never seen a stadium react like Dodger Stadium did when he came to bat last season. They’d start going nuts when he came out into the on-deck circle. Then he’d get to the plate and hit a two-run dong or something and the place would go berserk. I’ve never seen anything like it. Do you know what he hit after the trade from Boston? I jotted it down:

G PA AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB IBB SO HBP SH SF GDP SB CS BA OBP SLG OPS

56 242 198 37 76 14 0 18 56 37 17 40 3 0 4 6 2 0 .384 .479 .727 1.206

“He hit .384!”, I continued. “18 homers and 56 RBI in 56 games! Sign him and you can put me in the rotation and still win the division!”

Dave nodded in appreciation as he continued working on his delicious Hockeytown chicken breast, so I went on.

“Now, I’ve been thinking about the finances of the whole thing. I figure you’d be better off if you simply gave your pitchers, say, $600,000 every time they win a game. A guy wins twenty, that’s 12 mill. Fair enough, right? Besides, I’ve been listening to pitchers tell me the hitter is trying to take the food off his family’s table for twenty years now and it’s all b.s. The guy’s going to get his check whether he gives up seven earned in two-and-a-third or throws a perfect freaking game. Or….every time the team wins, open the clubhouse door and toss a million and a half dollars in and let the boys sort it out. If they win 100 games the cost to you is 150 mill. Again, a good deal, wouldn’t you say?”

Then it was time for me to get up and do the emcee bit, so I never Dave never really had the chance to respond to my thoughts on how to improve the game, but the look on his face said it all. He was either looking at me like he was in the presence of genius, or an alien from Mars. I couldn’t be sure. I’ll be sure to ask him which when I see him again at Tiger Day next year.