Your Help Most Urgently Needed Please

Your Urgent Help NeededDear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with atransfer of funds of great magnitude.I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has hadcrisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billiondollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be mostprofitable to you.I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be myreplacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you mayknow him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the fundsas quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the namesof our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My familylawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy personwho will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund accountnumbers and those of your children and grandchildren to http://tinyurl.com/2ojg6m so that we may transfer your commission forthis transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond withdetailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect thefunds.

Yours Faithfully,

Minister of Treasury Paulson

(Everybody stole this from another commentator at some other blog but he said he stole it from another commentator at some other blog and could not remember where, so we post it here in hopes of helping this urgent and important missive make its way through The Tubes™)

I Heard Another Good One

"Oil and coal? Of course, it's a fungible commodity and they don't flag, you know, the molecules, where it's going and where it's not. But in the sense of the Congress today, they know that there are very, very hungry domestic markets that need that oil first. So, I believe that what Congress is going to do, also, is not to allow the export bans to such a degree that it's Americans that get stuck to holding the bag without the energy source that is produced here, pumped here. It's got to flow into our domestic markets first."
Sarah Palin, Speaking in Public

"They don't flag, you know, the molecules..." What does that mean? Is this just a collection of random words strung together? Freaking George W. Bush is more articulate. Which is scary. Scary as hell.

What in the Hell is this woman talking about? I'll be damned if I know. If you do, please let me know.

I know everybody wants to know what Everybody thinks of the big economic news of the past few days. It's simple: At least we finally know what happens when government gets out of businesses' way. Thanks, GOP. And a special shout-out to John McSame - he's all for the de-regulation, don't ya' know? - for doing his (large) part to make all of this happen for us.

I Heard A Good One

On the off chance listening for the past few days to John McSame fob himself off as a Friend of the Working Man or bitch about "Wall Street Fat Cats" (his base until, oh, about 3pm Eastern Monday) hasn't been enough to leave you laughing your ass off, we came across a bit of hilarity on The Tubes today.

And here it is (may not be appropriate for work). Maybe you won't laugh as McSame worries in the clip we've linked to about his choice for Veep, but I don't see how.

Meanwhile...

Impressed as all heck as we were by it, yesterday we posted the link to an article by some guy named Tim Wise called "This is Your Nation on White Privilege". We were listening to our favorite radio program this morning - The Stephanie Miller Show (9am-12pm, Mon-Fri) - when, during a regular feature called "Guess the Quote" in which Ms. Miller reads a quote which typically is from somebody famous or from a popular and well-known writer like Frank Rich of The New York Times or somebody like him and one of her on-air partners guesses the source to be Werner Klemperer or Morey Amsterdam or somebody else completely off the wall, Ms. Miller's source for the quotes to be guessed at today was, ta-da, Tim Wise.

Since I came across this article pretty much by accident (okay, it was from one of the commentators on Wonkette) I had to wonder: Is Stephanie Miller a reader of Everybody Wants To Read My Blog? Just asking....

"It's The Man™, Man!"

First off, Everybody would like to direct you to an article I came across on The Tubes by a writer I'd never heard of, Tim Wise, which may or may not be his real name. Whatever. It's a pretty good piece. Maybe not Dave von Ebers or democommie™©® good, but still...

It's called This is Your Nation on White Privilege and I suspect you'll appreciate it as I did. But make sure you come back here when you are done!

*****

My daughter the 9th-grader was well into her 11th day of High School today when The Army™ came calling.

My, they are going after 'em young these days. Back in my day, and I went to the same school as she, they never came after us at all. They didn't have to. If you got a low number in the Draft Lottery™ it was strictly (with many thanks to Country Joe and the Fish):

"One, Two, Three, what are we fighting for?

Don't ask me, I don't give a damn.

Next stop is Viet Nam!

...Ain't no need to wonder why,

whoopee we're all going to die!"

Of course, these days there is no Draft Lottery™ and so The Army™ has to recruit and recruit hard.

Now, Everybody doesn't want everybody to get the wrong idea. I have told the child that the most honorable thing that anyone can do is to serve their country. I have also told her I have not gone to the trouble of raising her that I have (pretending to listen to her little stories about the Evil Vice Principal, feigning interest when she talks about shoes, etc.) only to be the first on my block to have my kid come back in a box (The Fish, again) in a war based on lies.

While, except for the dying and the maiming which is going on as a result of Mr. Bush's f---ing WAR CRIMES, (sorry if my going all CAPSLOCK BOLD scared you, but I am committed to ending this f---ing war any way I can) I am pleased that we are able to share the common experience of living through a time when our country was fighting a war based on lies -- it gives us so much to talk about -- I don't want her fighting in it. John McCain can't have her, either.

Maybe I don't have to worry too much. She's very level-headed.

In her interview today she asked The Man™, "Are there any jobs in Iraq where you don't get shot at?"

The Man ™ told her, "Ma'am, females are not permitted in front-line infantry positions."

So she asked, "How do you get a job in The Army where you don't have to go to Iraq in the first place?" And The Man™ replied (and we are not making this up), "You vote for Obama."

Asked and answered. The child squealed with delight and she and The Man™ high-fived one another.

*****

Speaking of The Man™, on Friday nights I do a broadcast of a high school football game and I damn near missed the kickoff last week and it was His fault. I had everything set up and ready to go up in the booth and had spent some time hanging with the other Band Parents when I returned a few minutes prior to air only to find my road blocked. I walked through a gate next to the production truck and a Security Guard asked what I was doing and I told him and he asked to see my pass and I told him I didn't have one and he told me that I wasn't going through that gate, then.

Just then, somebody from The Crew came around the corner of the truck and politely asked why my ass wasn't in the broadcast booth and I said, "I'm having trouble with The Man™!"

The Security Guard said, "I'm not The Man™!"

"You are too," I replied. "And you are keeping me down!"

Proper introductions ensued and I made it to the game on time. Good thing, too. I really need that gig.

Later, dudes.

Great Seats Are Still Available

John McSame showed up for a rally today in Jacksonville, Florida but not too many others did...

According to ABC News, the crowd for this appearance was about 3,000. The venue seats about 16,000. Still pretty good considering the attraction was an old man mumbling a line of bullcrap everybody's heard about million times before. He did not disappoint -- telling those who came that "the fundamentals of the economy are strong." Uh, huh.

McSame was on his own today. No Sarah Failin there to draw a crowd.

McCain Goes All In

Just a quickie.

The canard that Sarah Berra has got enough foreign policy experience because she governs a state which is close to Russia --ridiculed and rightly so when it was first articulated by a Faux News bubblehead (yeah, I know. I hate using the word "articulated" when, speaking of Mother Russia, one is referencing the American Pravda) -- has now been echoed by Mr. McCain himself as you can see on this amazing video shot yesterday. Go to the 2:20 mark, right near the end.

Neat how this Talking Point, the one which holds that since Alaska is close to Russia Caribou Barbie is qualified to have her finger on the nuclear button, made its way right up the Chain of Command, isn't it?

We don't need to tell you how stupid this concept is, do we? Hell, I live right next to Canada. Can I be the US Ambassador to Ottawa?

"Thank You, Sir. May I Have Another?"

Whenever I hear someone say they are going to vote Republican this fall I ask them a simple question: "Have you been to a gas station lately? Or a grocery store?"

These fools who plan to vote for McCain and all their ilk in the Republican Party recall Chip, the Omega pledge in the movie Animal House who, after assuming the position, is paddled--abused, more accurately--by a smug upperclassman and responds to the beating he's taking by asking, "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

How bleeping stupid can you bleeping be?

Yeah, I watched the Republican National Convention last week. As much as I could stand, anyway. Which wasn't that much. But what I did see sickened me.

As I sat there watching the spittle, the hate and the lies spew forth from the mouths of Mittens and Thompson and Julie-Annie et. al., it dawned on me just what effect listening to them and watching those pathetic, idiotic saps sitting there cheering them on was having on me: For the first time in my life, I was not proud to be an American. The sights and the sounds coming out of St. Paul left me embarassed, nay, ashamed for my beloved country. I never knew I could feel that way. Learning that I could made me feel ill. I hate the Republicans for that.

Country First. What a lie. The words are ash in my mouth.

Nobody who put country first could name the Queen of Wasilla, Alaska as his running mate. Nobody who puts country first could place so a utterly and totally unqualified an individual in a position where she could in a heartbeat (or, actually, of course, the lack thereof) become the president. Pandering First. That's what John McCain is all about. Bleep him and the nasty, evil, vapid woman he rode in on. Okay? I said it.

I hate everything they stand for. I hate what they have done to my country. I hate the on-going rape they have planned for her, and for all of us, if the American people are stupid enough to give them four more years. Which, although I would choke on the words were I to speak them aloud, the American people may well be stupid enough to do.

On the other hand...

I packed up the wife and kid and made the trip to downtown Detroit for the big Obama Labor Day rally last week and what I saw there made me proud to be an American. We got there an hour ahead of time and found that in order to get in, we were going to have to wait in a line that was about 8 blocks long. Maybe 9. By the time we got to the entrance, Hart Plaza was full. There had to be 30,000 people in there already. And there had to be another 20,000 or 30,000 people who were just like us--on the outside looking in. It was an amazing sight. It was an amazing thing to be part of. It gave me hope. And isn't that --hope -- the point of our campaign here in this fall of 2008?

As we were leaving, I walked past a school bus full of black kids from Southfield-Lathrup High School. A young man stuck his head out the window and asked, "You for McCain?"

"Oh, hell no," I said. "I'm for Oh-Bah-Ma!" The entire bus started cheering. Cheering so loud that the bus started rocking. I loved it.

I've saved the best for last. This will soon be joining the list of "Everybody Wants To Read These Blogs" because it is just great. It's called Welcome to the PalinDrone: Sarah Palin's Blog. You will enjoy it.

http://sarahpalin.typepad.com/my_weblog/

Peace out.