Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Who Gives A Flip?

Everybody thinks that was a pretty good way to kick off the 2008 baseball post-season: Chicago's 1-0 play-in game win against the Minnesota Twins last night at Comisky Park or Cell Fone Field or whatever the hell it is the call the home of the second team in the Second City these days.

Jim Thome's bomb was the games only run in the only 1-0 win the Sox got all year long but the fact is that Chicago may have won this game not on the field last night, but rather with the flip of a coin on September 19.

That was the day Major League Baseball conducted a series of coin flips to determine which teams would have home field advantage in the event tiebreakers were required to decide any Division Titles or Wild Card berths. Chicago won the toss that day, and that's why they were the home team last night.

I wouldn't have thought much about it except for a graphic I saw during the game that said Chicago was 1-8 at the Metrodump in Minneapolis this season. Conversely, the Twins were 2-7 in Chi. this season. (The win by the White Sox last night was their 6th in a row at home against the Twins).

The thing is, in any other sport, home field advantage would have been earned as a result of head-to-head competition, not awarded in a coin toss; and the Twins won the season series against the White Sox 10-8. In any other sport, therefore, the Twins, playing in that funky dome of theirs were the fans are loud and the hops are queer, would have been the home team last night.

None of this is to say that the same result would not have occurred had the game been played in Minny, Everybody just thought it was interesting, that’s all.

Besides, Baseball has a long history of not making a big deal out of home-field advantage. Until just a few years ago when they decided home-field advantage in the World Series –the sports ultimate event -- would be given to the winner of that years All-Star game, home field advantage depended not upon which team had the better record but rather on what year it was. If it was an even World Series year, the National League hosted four of the seven games, including, if necessary, game 7. In odd years, the American League hosted four games including #7 if necessary.

In another note, Everybody also thought it interesting that in the game Sunday in Chicago, Cleveland elected not to start 22-game winner and likely 2008 Cy Young Award winner Cliff Lee against Chicago in what was, for the Indians, the final game of their season. It was Lee’s turn to start and he was listed as the probable Cleveland starter in the Indians Game Notes on Friday and Saturday. But, come Sunday, Lee was not out there against the White Sox. Had Lee pitched and won, Minnesota would have won the AL Central title Sunday and there would have been no need for the White Sox to play the Tigers Monday to tie the Twins for first since they would have been a game and a half out with one to play. It would also have meant, of course, that there would have been no AL Central tie-breaker on the far-see device last night.

Perhaps what this means is that the baseball fates are hard at work as they always are. They said at the end of the broadcast last night that this is the first time in 102 years both Chicago teams are in the postseason in the same year. 102 years ago, the playoffs consisted of a single round called the World Series and the White Sox won that Series, the World Series of ought-eight, only the third World Series ever played, in six over the Cubs.

Without a dog in the fight (you should have heard the whelps of my beaten curs who came last this season at 74-88) our allegiance now goes to the Cubs in honor of our friend David von Ebers. In fact, I say, “We are all Cubs, now!” I hope I didn’t hurt his feelings posting the other day, I was just kidding around, clumsily. And if he wants an all-Chicago World Series then dammit, that’s what Everybody wants too!

We’ll get back to politics shortly (Ain’t that John McCain a dick?), but we will spend some time here over the next three weeks or so holding forth on the state of our National Game as well.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Rain Delay Programming

Well, we're sitting here waiting to see if the Mighty Detroit Tigers can bust a move and break the White Sox hearts (Hint: NO) in the last game of the regular season and deny the Pale House a place in the post-season. But, there's a rain delay so let's kill some time with a few random thoughts about what the hell has been going on between the white lines, shall we?

Here's how the main players are feeling today...

von Ebers as is absolutely in the throes over his beloved Cubbies and probably plans to go to the big pep rally for them on Tuesday. For the record, I give no kind of a bleep about the Cubs at all. There is nothing personal or improper about that. There are 32 teams in The Show™ and I don't give a bleep about 31 of them. There are some I care less about than others (Houston Astros, San Diego Padres and Kansas City Royals to name but 3) but all in all, like any good fan, I only care about my team. Even when they suck. Like they did in, say, 2008.

democommie has already weighed in with his prediction for the 2008 World Series (he believes it will go the 7-game limit with the Cubs representin' the NL) and since it is brilliant we share it with you now as he prophesies about how it's all going to turn out:

The Cubs would have the tying run on second, bottom of the 17th inning. The batter would be looking at a 3-2 (after seeing a MLB record 53 pitches) count and would hit a gapper into right center field. The runner would be rounding third when all of a sudden the third base coach infarcts. It turns out the runner is an Ad Altare Dei Life Scout, trained in the latest iteration of CPR and he immediately starts doing chest compressions. Due to his heroics the eyelids of the third base coach flicker and he draws a breath. The umpire rushes over and says, "Congratulations, son, you saved his life. And you ran out of the base path, YER OUT!" Then the third base coach would look at our hero and say, "Thanks, Putz. I'm Arnold Rothstein's great, grand nephew".

Just as a point of information, Arnold Rothstein is the gambler widely credited with fixing the 1919 "Black Sox" World Series.

nomi is heartbroken about the Mets, again. In 2007 the Mets led their division by 7 games with 17 to play and finished 5-12 to not only blow the division crown, but miss the playoffs altogether. And while the Mets again blew the division lead late in '08 and again missed the playoffs altogether, at least the collapse wasn't quite as completely awful this year as the Mets only led by 3.5 games with 17 to play and finished 7-10 to miss out. But, damn. In a game against the Cubs last week, NY had a man on third five innings in a row and never once got him home in what turned out to be a 1-run loss. That included the 9th when, in a tie game, the lead-off hitter tripled and died 90 feet from victory. If the Mets score that run, assuming the results off all their other games were the same, the Mets are at least in a playoff game against the Brewers with the winner making the post-season field.

I blame myself. When they had that three-and-a-half game lead, I posted to nomi that the Mets were gonna make it, positing that it is unusual for a team to fire its manager in the middle of the season and still make the playoffs, but that the Mets were going to do just that. (It turned out to be the Brewers who would be the team to can its manager and make the playoffs). What I said to nomi was the literary equivalent of having a black cat walk in front of your dugout which is what happened to the Cubs in 1969 during a game at Shea when they led the National League by 50 games with 51 to play or some damn thing and never won another game, ever, and wound up losing out to the (then) Miracle Mets.

g-man, meanwhile, wants to know just what it is that a middle relief pitcher does all day, exactly.

Von Ebers will be mad at me and probably never speak to me again, but I have a soft spot for the Dodgers because the hated Yankees fired LA’s manager, Joe Torre, at the end of last season because he’d only managed ‘em into the playoffs for 12 YEARS IN A ROW which wasn’t good enough for them. So, Torre goes to LA and his team is in the post-season and the Yankees are on the outside looking in. Ha, ha. LA looked to be toast after losing 8 straight games to fall 4.5 games out of first on August 29. The Dodgers proceeded to win 8 straight (how many times does a team lose 8 straight and turn around to win 8 straight, anyway?) and LA overtook fading Arizona to win the West. LA also had the guts to pull the trigger on the Manny Ramierez deal and what Manny did with the Dodgers was jaw-dropping. In the 53 games he played for LA after the trade, Ramierez hit .396. .396! With 17 homers, 53 RBI and a Slugging Percentage of .743 (.743!) to boot.

The Tigers have no chance today against the White Sox, by the way. Detroit suffered some of their most embarrassing losses right there at Comisky Park this season, going 2-6 there if memory serves. Today’s pitcher for Chicago, Gavin Floyd, took a no-hitter against Detroit into the 8th inning of a game back in April. I think it was that day that the Tigers quit for the season. They have shown no sign of life since, at any rate.

Well, the rain has stopped so play ball!. Later…

Thursday, September 25, 2008


The question posed to Ms. Palin by Ms. Couric was about the bailout. You know, the 700 Trillion dollar or whatever number they plucked out of thin air Federal give-back to all the dumb f--ks who lost the money in the first place.

The answer (unedited):

That’s why I say I, like every American I’m speaking with, we’re ill about this position that we have been put in. Where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy. Um, helping, oh, it’s got to be about job creation, too. Shoring up our economy, and putting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions, and tax relief for Americans, and trade — we have got to see trade as opportunity, not as, uh, competitive, um, scary thing, but one in five jobs created in the trade sector today. We’ve got to look at that as more opportunity. All of those things under the umbrella of job creation.

Once again, Everybody doesn't know what to say. At all. As the title says.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Your Help Most Urgently Needed Please

Your Urgent Help NeededDear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with atransfer of funds of great magnitude.I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has hadcrisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billiondollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be mostprofitable to you.I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be myreplacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you mayknow him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the fundsas quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the namesof our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My familylawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy personwho will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund accountnumbers and those of your children and grandchildren to http://tinyurl.com/2ojg6m so that we may transfer your commission forthis transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond withdetailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect thefunds.

Yours Faithfully,

Minister of Treasury Paulson

(Everybody stole this from another commentator at some other blog but he said he stole it from another commentator at some other blog and could not remember where, so we post it here in hopes of helping this urgent and important missive make its way through The Tubes™)

Monday, September 22, 2008

I Heard Another Good One

"Oil and coal? Of course, it's a fungible commodity and they don't flag, you know, the molecules, where it's going and where it's not. But in the sense of the Congress today, they know that there are very, very hungry domestic markets that need that oil first. So, I believe that what Congress is going to do, also, is not to allow the export bans to such a degree that it's Americans that get stuck to holding the bag without the energy source that is produced here, pumped here. It's got to flow into our domestic markets first."
Sarah Palin, Speaking in Public

"They don't flag, you know, the molecules..." What does that mean? Is this just a collection of random words strung together? Freaking George W. Bush is more articulate. Which is scary. Scary as hell.

What in the Hell is this woman talking about? I'll be damned if I know. If you do, please let me know.

I know everybody wants to know what Everybody thinks of the big economic news of the past few days. It's simple: At least we finally know what happens when government gets out of businesses' way. Thanks, GOP. And a special shout-out to John McSame - he's all for the de-regulation, don't ya' know? - for doing his (large) part to make all of this happen for us.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

I Heard A Good One

On the off chance listening for the past few days to John McSame fob himself off as a Friend of the Working Man or bitch about "Wall Street Fat Cats" (his base until, oh, about 3pm Eastern Monday) hasn't been enough to leave you laughing your ass off, we came across a bit of hilarity on The Tubes today.

And here it is (may not be appropriate for work). Maybe you won't laugh as McSame worries in the clip we've linked to about his choice for Veep, but I don't see how.


Impressed as all heck as we were by it, yesterday we posted the link to an article by some guy named Tim Wise called "This is Your Nation on White Privilege". We were listening to our favorite radio program this morning - The Stephanie Miller Show (9am-12pm, Mon-Fri) - when, during a regular feature called "Guess the Quote" in which Ms. Miller reads a quote which typically is from somebody famous or from a popular and well-known writer like Frank Rich of The New York Times or somebody like him and one of her on-air partners guesses the source to be Werner Klemperer or Morey Amsterdam or somebody else completely off the wall, Ms. Miller's source for the quotes to be guessed at today was, ta-da, Tim Wise.

Since I came across this article pretty much by accident (okay, it was from one of the commentators on Wonkette) I had to wonder: Is Stephanie Miller a reader of Everybody Wants To Read My Blog? Just asking....

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

"It's The Man™, Man!"

First off, Everybody would like to direct you to an article I came across on The Tubes by a writer I'd never heard of, Tim Wise, which may or may not be his real name. Whatever. It's a pretty good piece. Maybe not Dave von Ebers or democommie™©® good, but still...

It's called This is Your Nation on White Privilege and I suspect you'll appreciate it as I did. But make sure you come back here when you are done!
My daughter the 9th-grader was well into her 11th day of High School today when The Army™ came calling.

My, they are going after 'em young these days. Back in my day, and I went to the same school as she, they never came after us at all. They didn't have to. If you got a low number in the Draft Lottery™ it was strictly (with many thanks to Country Joe and the Fish):

"One, Two, Three, what are we fighting for?

Don't ask me, I don't give a damn.

Next stop is Viet Nam!

...Ain't no need to wonder why,

whoopee we're all going to die!"

Of course, these days there is no Draft Lottery™ and so The Army™ has to recruit and recruit hard.

Now, Everybody doesn't want everybody to get the wrong idea. I have told the child that the most honorable thing that anyone can do is to serve their country. I have also told her I have not gone to the trouble of raising her that I have (pretending to listen to her little stories about the Evil Vice Principal, feigning interest when she talks about shoes, etc.) only to be the first on my block to have my kid come back in a box (The Fish, again) in a war based on lies.

While, except for the dying and the maiming which is going on as a result of Mr. Bush's f---ing WAR CRIMES, (sorry if my going all CAPSLOCK BOLD scared you, but I am committed to ending this f---ing war any way I can) I am pleased that we are able to share the common experience of living through a time when our country was fighting a war based on lies -- it gives us so much to talk about -- I don't want her fighting in it. John McCain can't have her, either.

Maybe I don't have to worry too much. She's very level-headed.

In her interview today she asked The Man™, "Are there any jobs in Iraq where you don't get shot at?"

The Man ™ told her, "Ma'am, females are not permitted in front-line infantry positions."

So she asked, "How do you get a job in The Army where you don't have to go to Iraq in the first place?" And The Man™ replied (and we are not making this up), "You vote for Obama."

Asked and answered. The child squealed with delight and she and The Man™ high-fived one another.
Speaking of The Man™, on Friday nights I do a broadcast of a high school football game and I damn near missed the kickoff last week and it was His fault. I had everything set up and ready to go up in the booth and had spent some time hanging with the other Band Parents when I returned a few minutes prior to air only to find my road blocked. I walked through a gate next to the production truck and a Security Guard asked what I was doing and I told him and he asked to see my pass and I told him I didn't have one and he told me that I wasn't going through that gate, then.
Just then, somebody from The Crew came around the corner of the truck and politely asked why my ass wasn't in the broadcast booth and I said, "I'm having trouble with The Man™!"
The Security Guard said, "I'm not The Man™!"
"You are too," I replied. "And you are keeping me down!"
Proper introductions ensued and I made it to the game on time. Good thing, too. I really need that gig.
Later, dudes.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Great Seats Are Still Available

John McSame showed up for a rally today in Jacksonville, Florida but not too many others did...

According to ABC News, the crowd for this appearance was about 3,000. The venue seats about 16,000. Still pretty good considering the attraction was an old man mumbling a line of bullcrap everybody's heard about million times before. He did not disappoint -- telling those who came that "the fundamentals of the economy are strong." Uh, huh.

McSame was on his own today. No Sarah Failin there to draw a crowd.

Friday, September 12, 2008

McCain Goes All In

Just a quickie.

The canard that Sarah Berra has got enough foreign policy experience because she governs a state which is close to Russia --ridiculed and rightly so when it was first articulated by a Faux News bubblehead (yeah, I know. I hate using the word "articulated" when, speaking of Mother Russia, one is referencing the American Pravda) -- has now been echoed by Mr. McCain himself as you can see on this amazing video shot yesterday. Go to the 2:20 mark, right near the end.

Neat how this Talking Point, the one which holds that since Alaska is close to Russia Caribou Barbie is qualified to have her finger on the nuclear button, made its way right up the Chain of Command, isn't it?

We don't need to tell you how stupid this concept is, do we? Hell, I live right next to Canada. Can I be the US Ambassador to Ottawa?

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

"Thank You, Sir. May I Have Another?"

Whenever I hear someone say they are going to vote Republican this fall I ask them a simple question: "Have you been to a gas station lately? Or a grocery store?"

These fools who plan to vote for McCain and all their ilk in the Republican Party recall Chip, the Omega pledge in the movie Animal House who, after assuming the position, is paddled--abused, more accurately--by a smug upperclassman and responds to the beating he's taking by asking, "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

How bleeping stupid can you bleeping be?

Yeah, I watched the Republican National Convention last week. As much as I could stand, anyway. Which wasn't that much. But what I did see sickened me.

As I sat there watching the spittle, the hate and the lies spew forth from the mouths of Mittens and Thompson and Julie-Annie et. al., it dawned on me just what effect listening to them and watching those pathetic, idiotic saps sitting there cheering them on was having on me: For the first time in my life, I was not proud to be an American. The sights and the sounds coming out of St. Paul left me embarassed, nay, ashamed for my beloved country. I never knew I could feel that way. Learning that I could made me feel ill. I hate the Republicans for that.

Country First. What a lie. The words are ash in my mouth.

Nobody who put country first could name the Queen of Wasilla, Alaska as his running mate. Nobody who puts country first could place so a utterly and totally unqualified an individual in a position where she could in a heartbeat (or, actually, of course, the lack thereof) become the president. Pandering First. That's what John McCain is all about. Bleep him and the nasty, evil, vapid woman he rode in on. Okay? I said it.

I hate everything they stand for. I hate what they have done to my country. I hate the on-going rape they have planned for her, and for all of us, if the American people are stupid enough to give them four more years. Which, although I would choke on the words were I to speak them aloud, the American people may well be stupid enough to do.

On the other hand...

I packed up the wife and kid and made the trip to downtown Detroit for the big Obama Labor Day rally last week and what I saw there made me proud to be an American. We got there an hour ahead of time and found that in order to get in, we were going to have to wait in a line that was about 8 blocks long. Maybe 9. By the time we got to the entrance, Hart Plaza was full. There had to be 30,000 people in there already. And there had to be another 20,000 or 30,000 people who were just like us--on the outside looking in. It was an amazing sight. It was an amazing thing to be part of. It gave me hope. And isn't that --hope -- the point of our campaign here in this fall of 2008?

As we were leaving, I walked past a school bus full of black kids from Southfield-Lathrup High School. A young man stuck his head out the window and asked, "You for McCain?"

"Oh, hell no," I said. "I'm for Oh-Bah-Ma!" The entire bus started cheering. Cheering so loud that the bus started rocking. I loved it.

I've saved the best for last. This will soon be joining the list of "Everybody Wants To Read These Blogs" because it is just great. It's called Welcome to the PalinDrone: Sarah Palin's Blog. You will enjoy it.


Peace out.