Q.
Dear Mr. Sports Know It All,
When did Snowboarding become an Olympic Sport?
Jimmy age 10.
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A.
Dear Jimmy,
Nice try, but you have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool ol’ Mr. Sports Know It All.
The answer is:
Snowboarding isn’t a sport.
Snowboarding is actually a HOBBY whose enthusiasts are Silver Spooned Slackers who view themselves as some kind of disaffected counter-culture heroes that are too lazy, self-important, immature, undisciplined and disinterested to dedicate all of their time and energy to learn a real sport that is respected and that adults participate in.
Hope this helps Jimmy.
Signed
Mr. Sports Know It All.
————————————————————————–
Thank you Mr. Sports Know It All.
However, I do have one more question:
If Snowboarding isn’t a real sport, how come you can do it in the Olympics and win a bunch of Medals?
Jimmy age 10.
—————————————————————————————————-
Hi Jimmy. Welcome back.
Well Jimmy, you see the Winter Olympics have never been really kind to the U.S.
Even though the U.S. has plenty of good mountains, snow and ice, they continually got their asses kicked by countries with populations 1/10th it’s size…with 1/1,000th of it’s funding.
You see Jimmy, Americans are big fucking babies and poor sports. So what happened was that American corporate interests bullied and pressured the IOC to include Snow Boarding and the Free Style Skiing bullshit to be Olympic Sports so Americans could win some medals.
Let me give you an example. Let’s take the results of the last Winter Olympics held in Turin, Italy in 2006.
The U.S. finished with a respectable 25 medals. Second only to Germany. U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! WHOO HOO! IN YER FACE WORLD!
Ok Jimmy, here comes the Science!
If we subtract the Medals won by the U.S. in the BULLSHIT Snowboarding category, “Sport” (Hobbies for wealthy slacker kids) which was 7 total medals, The U.S. finishes 6th place in total medal count…below Canada.
See how it works Jimmy.
And now you know…the rest of the story.
Signed,
Mr. Sports Know It All.
Dear Mr. Sports Know It All,
When did Snowboarding become an Olympic Sport?
Jimmy age 10.
————————————————
A.
Dear Jimmy,
Nice try, but you have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool ol’ Mr. Sports Know It All.
The answer is:
Snowboarding isn’t a sport.
Snowboarding is actually a HOBBY whose enthusiasts are Silver Spooned Slackers who view themselves as some kind of disaffected counter-culture heroes that are too lazy, self-important, immature, undisciplined and disinterested to dedicate all of their time and energy to learn a real sport that is respected and that adults participate in.
Hope this helps Jimmy.
Signed
Mr. Sports Know It All.
————————————————————————–
Thank you Mr. Sports Know It All.
However, I do have one more question:
If Snowboarding isn’t a real sport, how come you can do it in the Olympics and win a bunch of Medals?
Jimmy age 10.
—————————————————————————————————-
Hi Jimmy. Welcome back.
Well Jimmy, you see the Winter Olympics have never been really kind to the U.S.
Even though the U.S. has plenty of good mountains, snow and ice, they continually got their asses kicked by countries with populations 1/10th it’s size…with 1/1,000th of it’s funding.
You see Jimmy, Americans are big fucking babies and poor sports. So what happened was that American corporate interests bullied and pressured the IOC to include Snow Boarding and the Free Style Skiing bullshit to be Olympic Sports so Americans could win some medals.
Let me give you an example. Let’s take the results of the last Winter Olympics held in Turin, Italy in 2006.
The U.S. finished with a respectable 25 medals. Second only to Germany. U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! WHOO HOO! IN YER FACE WORLD!
Ok Jimmy, here comes the Science!
If we subtract the Medals won by the U.S. in the BULLSHIT Snowboarding category, “Sport” (Hobbies for wealthy slacker kids) which was 7 total medals, The U.S. finishes 6th place in total medal count…below Canada.
See how it works Jimmy.
And now you know…the rest of the story.
Signed,
Mr. Sports Know It All.
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1 comment:
… All of which is completely correct; but let’s face it, aside from, like, hockey and those bizarro “sliding” events (luge, bobsled, skeleton), nothing in the Winter Olympics really qualifies as “sport” anyways. I mean, “ice dancing” is right up there with “rhythmic gymnastics” in terms of, uh, sport-itude, which is to say, it isn’t. A sport. They might as well have ballet in the Olympics if they’re going to have “ice dancing” …
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