"In Sickness and in Health..."

My Inner Frenchman heard that skank biscuit Stephanie Miller today on her mediocre LA-based radio "programme" read aloud excerpts lifted from "The Mirror" article linked to in a routinely outstanding post on Jesus' General titled (and linked to): "The McCain Justification".

Does Stephanie Miller read Jesus' General?

Whether she does or not, it’s good, really good, to see this particular story get some legs.
McCain's marital history is, of course, an issue in this campaign.
Why?

Because nobody likes an ass hole. And because women especially dislike this kind of an ass hole.

So, “Who's,” you ask, “An ass hole?” Okay, how about a guy who starts steppin' out on his crippled wife, who starts screwing a broad 17 years his junior, (who just happens to be rich, too), who then tells the first wife to fuck off, (just as she's learning to walk again), etc., who leaves her, crippled and alone, he leaves her for the man-stealer. Except for the part where hubby and the Trophy Wife get what’s coming to them, isn’t this pretty much the plot of “The Betty Broderick Story?”

Does the guy sound like an ass hole to you? . He is.

Women think so, too. Unless I misread the female heart (I was not staring at your boobs! I was reading your heart!) women regard infidelity as shocking and as “in-your-face” as that engaged in by Mr. McCain to be clear evidence that the man who engaged in that infidelity is an ass hole and nothing but an ass hole, so help me God (Harry Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin or whoever you conceive him to be).

Ergo, women will, upon hearing the truth, this truth, come to the (correct) conclusion that John McCain is an ass hole.

After that, all we can do is hope and pray that our mothers and sisters and daughters won't vote for an ass hole for President of the United States and we should be good to go.

Thanks, and I'm glad I could be of help.

A Personal Message to the Hockey Fans of Pittsburgh

I re-thought this post and removed it.

Instead I would like to thanks Pittsburgh for a great Cup Final.

Pittsburgh, if you want to do it again next year, I'm up for it, as long as you know that all that's gonna happen is we will kick your ass all over again. Really, it will be great fun! God knows it was this year! Have a great off-season.

Wow! Thanks.

Eds note: Everybody here at Everybody is blown away by your responses to our "What Do You Say To This Dickhead, Anyway?" contest. We have not felt the glow one feels when one "is read" for a while and have as such grown unaccustomed to the sensation. So words fail us and we are unable to muster much of a response at all beyond the "too-adorable-for-words" boyish blush we find ourselves sporting at the present time.

Besides, we are a bit, shall we say, logey as we have just today returned to Detroit from a trip by motor car from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, during which 1350 miles of the American landscape was sightseen in a mere 36 hours. (Less sightseeing than that though if you insist that of necessity "sightseeing" must be done during daylight hours only: that since Florida and Ohio appear identical to people when viewed through the windshield of a moving car at night because people can't see in the dark, people cannot be said to be "sightseeing" per se while they are in a car in the dark.) And, for the record, the simultaneous use of italics and latin--which for the record I did just use together and at the same time, makes it all legal. Legal as hell, in other words. Just ask noted lawyer Dave von Ebers of Journal of the Plague Year fame. But, even if he could shoot down my "Time Spent Sightseeing" claim, the 1350 miles worth of solo driving was real enough. And I'm kinda tired. I don't know how those over-the-road guys do it.

So, for now, this inelegant expression of our thanks and gratefulness to you, the reader, will have to suffice.

Also, a final decision on just how, exactly, the dickhead at issue will be responded to is still pending. An answer could come in the soon-to-be-posted "Memories of Wapakoneta". " Keep watchin' for that and, of course--as per some great advice I got from reading Jesus' General-- keep watchin' the skies.

May I post links to your guys' blogs on mine? You don't have to answer. I'll just put 'em up there as soon as I figger out how to do that and if you don't want them to appear on my site you can send an angry e-mail and call me a bad name if you want to.

A Call To Keyboard

Keyboard. It used to be a noun but it's become a verb also--exactly the way the the word "party" used to be a thing but is now both a thing and an action. It's evolved. And since there has been a call (a call; one, but that's enough as it turns out) for fresh content on this page I shall attempt to satisfy this new-found groundswell 0f support which is, I think, just swell in and of itself.

Somebody I know professionally (and like, actually) apparently does not know me very well as he was the source the day before yesterday of an e-mail of which he was apparently very proud and which I considered to be asinine in the extreme. Or, as we used to say when dinosaurs ruled the earth, asinine to the maximum. See also: To the Max.

It was titled, "If Patton Were Alive Today". If I had great computerin' skills I'd simply re-post it here but I don't, so I will copy the more "salient" portions. Back in a moment....

Ah. Here we go:

To ALL those whining, panty-waisted, pathetic Maggots, it's time for a little refresher course on exactly why we Americans occasionally have to fight wars.

Abu Ghraib is not 'torture' or an 'atrocity'. This is the kind of thing frat boys, sorority girls, and academy cadets do to newcomers A little fun at someone else's expense. Certainly no reason to wring your hands or get your panties in a wad. Got that?
Islam a peaceful religion??? My Ass!Millions of these sons-of-bitches are plotting, as we speak, to destroy our country and our way of life any way they can. Some of them are here among us now. They don't want to convert you and don't want to rule you. You are a vile infestation of Allah's paradise. They don't give a shit how 'progressive' you are, how peace-loving you are, or how much you sympathize with their cause. They want your ass dead , and they think it is God's will for them to do it. Some think if we give them a hug or listen to them, then they'll like us... and if you agree? Then you are a pathetic dumb ass! If they manage to get their hands on a nuke, chemical agents, or even some anthrax -- you will wish to God we had hunted them down and killed THEM while we had the chance. How many more Americans must be beheaded ??You've fallen asleep AGAIN, maggots! And you may not get another chance! NOW GET OFF YOUR SORRY ASS - and pass this on to any and every person you give a damn about.. if you ever gave a damn about anything

I have agonized (not much, but a little) over how to respond to this well, shit. Here's

my first draft:

Sir:
I think the content of an e-mail says something about the person who sent it, so when I received your e-mail "If Patton were alive today," I found myself wondering, "just how big a dickhead is this guy?" And, "How would one quantify that, exactly?"

Not that it matters. We're all Americans here and because of that I will defend with every fiber of my being and until my last breath etc., your right to be as stupid as you care to be.

And make no mistake about it. You, sir, are stupid. Mercy, land's sake and Oh, My... God...in...Heaven stupid. Anyone who thinks the war in Iraq had anything to do with 9-11 is stupid or willfully ignorant, but to be honest I don't see a distinction between the two worth drawing.

Get a handle on a fact somewhere, anywhere, before you send bullshit emails like this to me.

I found it particularly vulgar and offensive that you would send this to me the same week in which we learned that our Moron-in-Chief undertook the war in Iraq for his personal aggrandizement. He wanted to be a wartime president because he thought it would make him appear in the eyes of history to be a great president. How pathetic and sad is that? What a fucking sociopath. He's mentally ill. 4,084 Iraqi war dead, 4,084 of my brothers and sisters, my fellow Americans, lie mouldering in their graves--murdered by George W. Bush. Because he thought a war would make him look like a great president.

Answer me this: Besides the dead. the wounded and the three trillion dollar tab--what is it we've gotten out of this war? Oh, yeah, I forgot. $4.00/gallon gasoline. Thanks for that.

If you think Abu Garib was a frat hazing--let them put a hood over your head and hook the battery clamps to your nipples and give it a go. Party on, dude!

But not my country and not in my name. This is America. We are the best people on earth. That, numb nuts, is why we don't torture people.

You were right about one thing. That picture of Daniel Pearl's beheading was obscene.

DO NOT SEND OBSCENE MATERIAL TO THIS COMPUTER. I WILL SUE YOU! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Thanks. Hate to go all CAPS LOCK on your ass and all--but I mean it.

Now go somewhere and fuck yourself. Better yet, if this is how you feel, why don't you grab a rifle, head on over to Iraq and shoot yourself some Muslims? Hell, you don't want to be the one wishing he'd "killed them when he had the chance" after the atom bomb goes off, do you? And don't feel bad if you have to murder a child or two while you're at it. Or a woman. Women car bomb, too. So shooting them? That's not being a coward. That's just doing all of us a favor. Shit, the Nazis didn't feel bad about killing kids. A mere expediency is all that was. Kid would just grow up to be one of the enemy, anyway. Right? If it was good enough for Nazis it should be good enough for you.

Anyway, that's where I'm at on this now. I'm going to wait for a little while to calm down before I hit the "send" button. I welcome any thoughts on how best to respond.

Tigers Slump Now Over 100 Games Old

On July 23, 2007, thru 97 games the Detroit Tigers led their division, the American League Central, by a season-high 2 games and had the best record in the Majors at 59-38.  Detroit had a winning percentage of .606 and was one of only 2 ML teams in with a win percentage of over .600 on that date (Boston, .604). 

From that point on however, the 2007 Tigers fell apart, playing their final 65 games at a .446 clip with a 29-36 record.  It mirrored almost exactly what the World Series team of the previous season had done when the 2006 Tigers opened 76-36 (.679) thru 112 games, good for a 10-game lead in the division on August 7, only to finish 19-31 (.380) in their final 50 games and lose the division crown on the last day of the regular season. 

But, I digress.

Take the Tigers record from their high-water mark last season until the end of the regular season (29-36) and add it to their record this season (16-21) and you've got a ballclub which has won 45 and lost 57 in their last 102 games.  Win Percentage: .441.

The point here is that Detroit's slump didn't exactly begin with the Tigers 0-7 start here in 2008.  It began last July. 

While the Tigers have won 2 of their last 3 (Detroit's only wins in their last 8) we will have to wait and see if this is a trend or an anomaly.  Detroit's 4-0 against the Yankees this season and it is, of course, New York which provides the opposition later this afternoon in the middle game of the 3-game series this weekend between the teams. 

The good news continues to be the fact that Detroit plays in the AL Central where a .500 record--the definition of mediocrity--means (as of today, anyway) you are only a game out of first.  The Tigs are in fourth place (percentage points ahead of last-place Kansas City) but because nobody in the division is going good, the Tigers are only 3.5 games off the division lead.  The Wild Card standings are an eye-opener, though.  If you were thinking that even if they don't win their division the Tigers could still get into the playoffs as the Wild Card winner, Detroit's 10th right now in the Wild Card standings, 6 back of the leaders.  Please make a note of it.

Time Makes Fools Of Us All

My guess is that opening with the words, "I was bored so..." is a poor way to begin an article, but I was and so I am.   

I was enjoying day 2 of my 2-day free trial of MLB.TV which I had been granted for "being a good customer" and was watching the Orioles at A's game because by the time I'd gotten home the Mets at Dodgers game was 12-love in the 6th and even the chance to catch the great Vin Scully at work wasn't worth watching that turkey.

I had, by the way, thoroughly enjoyed Day 1 of the two-day trial.  MLB.TV can't be beat.  Last night, I had the Tigers on the "real" TV and was able to simultaneously via computer keep on eye on the other teams in the division; watching Cleveland come back on a three-run shot in the 8th to win in New York, seeing Gavin Floyd almost throw a no-hitter against the Twins and wrapping up the night by enjoying Scully and seeing a rare inside-the-park homer at Dodger Stadium.  Like I said, I love the MLB.TV.  I swear that the first thing I'm going to do when I find work again is buy a subscription.

So, today, I had the Orioles on with Jon Miller (a fine broadcaster in his own right) doing play-by-play and he said something--I can't remember what--that made me think of a question I wanted an answer to, so I brought up Baltimore's Media Guide on the computer to find the answer.  I don't know if the Orioles PR Department is the best in baseball but I do know that their Media Guide used to be twice as thick as any other in the American League and that has to mean something.  It's as if the word "minutiae" had been invented just for them.  And if it had in fact not been, they certainly ran with it nonetheless.  Which is okay.  I'm a big fan of minutiae, especially when it comes to the baseball.

Whatever question it was I'd had, had got answered, but you know it's tough to put a Media Guide down and I found myself  reading the "History of Baseball in Baltimore" section.  Very interesting.  Right off the bat I realized hat I'd forgotten this bit of trivia: The Baltimore Orioles were a charter member of the American League in ought-3.  !903, of course.  After two less than stellar seasons, they moved to New York and became the Highlanders who later became the team whose name shall not be mentioned in this space.

Major League ball didn't return to Baltimore until 1954 when the St. Louis Browns moved there.  Interestingly, Baltimore's records begin, according to their Media Guide, in 1954.  They don't count the Browns records, much less the Orioles of 1903-04. 

I continued my reading of the Orioles' history and got to 1966 and Baltimore's World Series sweep of the L.A. Dodgers.  I was an actual Little League catcher when that Series was played but I still remember it.  Vaguely, but I remember. 

Remember I'd watched the Dodgers game last night?  The Dodgers came back to beat the Mets largely because when it looked like the game was going to get out of hand they brought in a relief pitcher who struck out 8, of note since 8 is only one shy of 9, and 9, as Scully pointed out, is the L.A. franchise record for most K's in a game by a relief pitcher. Talking about it, Scully recalled Baltimore's Moe Drabowski coming out of the pen to fan11 Dodgers in one appearance in that '66 Series, and that it is still a World Series record to this day.

Just recently, Sports Illustrated came out with a web feature that let's you read an on-line version of any edition they've ever published.  I did a search and found the issue containing the story of the 1966 World Series.  I remembered the cover when I saw it since I had been an SI subscriber at the time.  I was a precocious child. 

The story reminded me just what a remarkable feat Baltimore's four-game sweep of that Series really was.  Drabowski's 11-strikeout performance came in Game 1 when he relived in the bottom of the second inning.  L.A. had scored a run in the first and when Drabowski walked the first man he faced to force in a run, the Dodgers had scored in each of the first two innings of the Series.  They would not score again.  Not later in that inning, not later in that game, and not in Game 2, Game 3 or Game 4!  L.A.'s composite Series line score published below the game story in that edition said it all:

1 1 0  000  000  000  000  000  000  000  000  000  000  000

Baltimore batted .200 in the 1966 World Series, a record low by a winner, but when you hold a foe off the board for 35 consecutive innings...

After I read the story of the '66 World Series, I did another search and read some of the coverage of the 1967 A.L. pennant race--like the World Series of the previous fall one of the greatest of all time.  Four teams--Detroit, Chicago, Minnesota and Boston--had a chance to finish first heading into the final weekend of the season.  

There was a great story in the September 18, 1967 issue which referred to the "now prideless" Baltimore Orioles, the "bizarre" American League pennant race, "Boston's exciting young Red Sox" and an "improbable feat" accomplished by the White Sox pitching staff: blowing a 3-0 lead to the Tigers with one out in the top of the 9th on a Saturday before getting a no-hitter from Joe Horlen less than 20 hours later in the first game of a Sunday doubleheader which Chicago would go on to sweep.

The same issue contained SI's NFL Preview for 1967 and a story by Tex Maule about labor peace in the NFL, which had merged with the AFL the year before. It was in that story that I came across a quote which has to be among the all-time greats.  Maule was writing about efforts by the Teamsters Union to organize NFL players, primarily by "concentrating on Negroes".  Support for a union from the players was not widespread.  Here's a quote from a "veteran player" lifted from the Sports Illustrated story:

"A Jimmy Brown gets, say, $60,000 a year, and he's worth it. With a union, I think it would tend to level out salaries. We average maybe $15,000 over the league now. Is the union going to get all of us that much more? I don't think so. And it would probably cut out the shot at the big money."

Which brings us to the title of this piece.  We all know what unions have meant for player's salaries.  What were they thinking in 1967? 

Time, as I say, makes fools of us all.

The Yankees Win! Thuuuuuuuuh Yankees Win!!!

Here's some pretty sad, pretty sick stuff. A 43- year-old mother is accused of running down and killing a 29-year-old man in the parking lot of a New Hampshire bar in the early hours of last Friday morning. She had a New York Yankees sticker on the back of her car and according to witnesses was being serenaded by on-lookers with a "Yankees suck" chant. So, she floored it and ran 'em over, killing one, injuring another:

http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2008/05/red_soxyankees.html?p1=Well_MostPop_Emailed2

You know...I like my baseball as well as the next guy, maybe a little bit more even, but at the end of the day it only means some freaking guy caught a flipping ball, or he did not. Geez us.